He’s Just Not That Into You Blog
“Spreading love, one recipe at a time!”
The back-story that inspired the menu that inspired the recipes! Foodie and Love stories combining love, romance, and adventure (remember this is all fiction my friends)! Let me take my paintbrush, paint the scene and the mood to take you there…
Inspired Quote: “Sometimes what we learn and who we become in the process of waiting is even more important than what we’re waiting for!” ~ Unknown
Love Dateline: Life
Mood: Vulnerable, yet hopeful
“He’s just not that into you”
Ever since Miranda uttered those six fateful words on Sex & The City way back when, we’ve been into “he’s just not that into you” mode. These words even inspired a bestselling book, a movie and a following. “He’s just not that into you” is a handy catchphrase that explains why men act the way they do. It’s wrapped in a painful but neat ‘n tidy little package with a big bow that frankly stings like a bee (ouch)!
Ahhh, sigh. Who wants to hear these words I ask you? I do feel your pain. OK, chin up, don’t give up…not yet anyway! You can still turn this ship around sista, keep the faith. OK, now listen carefully…deal? Good! Here’s your chance to knock his socks off, pull out all the stops and go for broke! Remember the way to a man’s heart, your secret weapon to impress. Here’s the plan, your magic potion. When designing this menu, I asked myself “What is THE most popular cuisine in my cooking classes?” Answer…ta da Thai. And so, this is the menu that I came up with for you (everyone nowadays seems to LOVE this exotic cuisine). Show him your culinary prowess with this exotic Taste of Thailand Menu – who doesn’t LOVE Thai? He doesn’t love it…convert him or drop him (kidding)! The flavours of this country are take-your-breath-away intoxicating. Make these dishes, transport him to hot ‘n steamy Thailand and make him fall for you all over again. The menu starts off with Cold Spring Rolls, a surefire hit – I know! The story of my first bite into a Cold Spring Roll follows further down the page, it’s a cool story…read on! Take a bite and see what happens…
My Story From The Arena of Love
Want to hear it? Yeah, I know you do! Why not, it’s always good to know tales of the heart from others in the arena of love! My scars have healed, my heart has healed, I have found forgiveness in my heart and at the same time I won’t forget the sting of it all (I can’t sugarcoat this). Having been on the dating circuit on-and-off (more off than on due to long-term relationships) for many-a-year, I’ve collected many stories from the field. Oh, so many to sift through, I’ll share an extra-special one in particular though because it’s ‘special’. Where to start…I’ll backtrack a bit to paint the picture. Just having called off a 5-year relationship (sorry Mr Darcy of Pride & Prejudice fame), I was in the midst of recovering from that. You know, wearing black and mourning the loss, not wanting to socialize, happy but sad at the same time, not eating, you know the stuff. Loneliness had moved in with me, my new roommate (shame, didn’t pay rent, but kept me company). Night out downtown Toronto, reunion party for northerners from the small town where I grew up.
Meet Tarzan…me Jane.
He was from my hometown as well, a high profile lawyer-type. “How perfect is that.” I thought to myself, “We have so much in common.” OK, OK it was a bit of a stretch, we had one thing in common – same hometown. Good enough! Tarzan was successful, funny and well, he was just Tarzan, so what’s not to love. He asked for my phone number so that he could actually call me (yep, pre-texting)! Call me he did and asked me out. I couldn’t yes fast enough. He swung over in his candy-apple red convertible – I thought to myself “Oh boy, this is going to be good, really good.” A match made in heaven – Tarzan and Jane – we came from the same ‘jungle,’ the stuff movies are made of! A great first date – 10 out of 10. Great start, and a real gentleman too (always a bonus). Oh and a pretty good kisser, a little on the short side for me (which is often a no-go item), but I overlooked that (I didn’t even try for a pun there). Another date, another convertible ride, another kiss. Doors held open, doors pushed shut…how refreshing, a gentlemen. He wined and he dined me. He made me laugh with a great, but kind of goofy sense of humour (I’ll overlook that too). Baseball game, outdoor patio, party, red convertible, long flowing hair…all good. I was in dating heaven; even his roommates were great (roommates…hmmm..that should have been my first clue…why would a grown successful man in his early 30’s live with a house-full of roommates)? Oh well, I’m not a lawyer, I wasn’t paying attention to the clues sitting there right under my nose. Nope, I was just so happy to have found Tarzan, I ignored everything else. Things moved along very quickly for us, we crammed a lot in. Then…the all-important third date showed up! I don’t know what the third date means to you, it means different things to different people. It means to me that I think that I know enough about the person to decide whether or not to carry on. Should I open my heart to vulnerability, hope and potentially love? Do I feel it in my heart? Am I interested? Is he interested? Of course that’s after I consult tealeaves, my crystal ball and read the stars (wish it was that easy). OK, third date it was decided. I took a deep breath as I ‘dove in’ to see where this could go. Being honest with you though, by this point, I had basically married this guy in my mind (think rebound, think very vulnerable and lonely).
Not in my Wildest Dreams.
What I didn’t know until my third date (by this time I was ‘smitten’ with him) was that being Tarzan also meant that he was the wildest man in the jungle that I’ve encountered…where did he come from, had he been shipwrecked from civilization? I won’t elaborate, not now, not until I know you better. Suffice to say, I left his den in a state of shock at his lack of couth. What happened to love, romance and butterflies – I was grateful to leave with my loincloth in tact. I was a little rattled by him and unsteady on my feet. He then started to play games, this was NOT the romantic Tarzan movie that I had made up in my mind – the shine wearing off. We saw one another on/off a few more times. Yes, I admit it, I was drawn to his red convertible and nights out (it was better than staying home alone with my roommate). Although, at the same time I had become leery of him and I’d taken a big swing back. In hindsight though, “he just wasn’t ‘that’ into me!” and he did me a huge favour as I realized that I wasn’t exactly that ‘into’ him anymore, the feeling mutual. I accepted, bowed out gracefully and met someone weeks later who was not from the jungle and was a true gentleman. It was true love – in very short time I was engaged, married and lived happily ever after (now…that’s another story). So, a happy ending after all! The moral of the story is this, just because someone isn’t into you, they might just be making room for the next person to walk into your life who is. A big thank you for small miracles, it was just meant to be. I was free and clear of him (and his jungle ways) until years later when his name cropped up and made headlines… I don’t know what’s true nor false, I’m just writing what’s been reported:
Tarzan linked to professional misconduct investigation
Tarzan recorded in RCMP money laundering sting operation
Tarzan never charged, skirted scandal
Tarzan quietly steps down as high-profile hot shot prosecutor
Tarzan charged with sexual assault
Tarzan acquitted of sexual assault
Tarzan emerges unscathed and swings quietly away back into the jungle…
The next moral of the story is that you don’t always know who’s who, it can be a jungle out there. Just hope for the best of mankind and be aware at the same time. Gracefully exit the situation when/if you see the signs. Watch out for leopards (don’t feed them). If you meet one just know that they don’t always change their leopard print spots!
Now…over to you! How do YOU know ‘he’s just not that into you?’
Follow the trail of early warning relationship clues, something like breadcrumbs! You almost have to be a dark detective to crack the code and figure this stuff out. We won’t hire a detective this time, we’ll do our own undercover sleuthing work and try to figure this situation out on our own! I read enough Nancy Drew mystery books growing up to do this (didn’t you)? Ready for some sleuthing, be armed with knowledge. Teamwork girls!
Here are the clues:
First word…sounds like ‘busy’.
The word ‘busy’ is a load of bullrot (I might have made that word up) and is most often used by cowards. ‘Busy’ is a relationship WMD – Weapon of Mass Destruction. It may seem like a good excuse to them, but we know men better than that, they are never too busy to get what they want!
Love is patient, but he’s not!
Love is patient, love is kind and love is always willing to wait. So ladies, if he doesn’t want to wait for you in terms of the progress of your relationship – he may not love you…I’m sorry.
Words don’t match actions!
If he says he loves you – then watch his actions very closely because people can tell you anything you want to hear. If his words and actions aren’t remotely close, run far away!
We give our bodies, our souls, our minds to him (as if that’s not enough). Yet…here’s how he potentially responds:
- He’s not sure how he feels.
- He stops calling or asking us out as often as he used to.
- He becomes distant and possibly even moody.
Despite all of the above, if you want to ‘fight’ for him, here’s how to engage in the ‘arena of love’.
This all hurts, I know, so now it’s take to pull out all the stops, bring in the big guns and take one last chance on you! Here’s what the experts suggest: Take a risk by being yourself, feeling what you’re feeling, and speaking from those feelings. Once you take that risk, you will make him feel safer and more connected to you (or not I suppose). When you become more of a feminine, feeling mere mortal, you become a “beacon” around a man. You draw him in simply by being enchanting – soft on the outside, yet, strong on the inside. Always hold your ground, don’t forget, a man who loves you will always love you for you. Accepting you for you, wanting nothing but unconditional love. If he doesn’t want you for who you are, why fight for it? Simply back off, if he is ‘into’ you, he will go the extra mile or kilometre to let you know. Yes, its human nature to want what we can’t have. Remember though, in the wise words of Groucho Marx: “I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept people like me as a member.” Never a truer word spoken. Ladies, have faith. And remember – “Sometimes what we learn and who we become in the process of waiting is even more important than what we’re waiting for!” – Unknown Love yourself first and ALWAYS be you…then love will find you.
PS Love your food, what comes from the heart touches the heart! Craving isn’t a ‘Bad Word,’ food IS sexy!
PSS I came up with this handy wallet-sized ‘Manly Ranking Scale’ – pull it out when you need it! It’s similar to the Richter Magnitude Scale that measures earthquakes (the idea came to me as I survived a major earthquake in Vegas years ago). I’ll grade each man of my life at the time of my Love Dateline story! Feel free to grade the man of your life, If he’s a +10 (and I hope he is), I’d say go for it!:
I should have swung away from Tarzan after the 3rd date…oh well, live and learn.
Here’s some music to get you in the mood!
Check out the complete “He’s Just Not That Into You” menu
FOODIE DATELINE: Starry Eyed
Where: 6eme Arrondissement, Paris, France
When: Winter 1986
Mood: Excited taste buds, somewhat overwhelmed
Take a Chance On Me
“My most memorable foodie experience that pairs with this menu is “Take a Chance On Me” Hand-rolled Cold Rice Paper Spring Rolls. Picture Paris, winter, new city, new family, new food experience, all new to little ole me fresh off the boat (OK, OK British Airways jumbo jet). I had just moved to Paris from small-town Northern Ontario to work as a nanny for a French film actress – and not just any ole film actress – she is the top French film actress ever!
To say that I was a little intimidated is an understatement. I was excited at the same time to experience life in this big city, especially the food. My first foray out into this amazing culinary world was to a Vietnamese restaurant. The three of us – my ‘boss’, her daughter and moi (the nanny) all climbed into the family vehicle (yep, you guessed it, I sat in the back). Destination, a nearby and I would soon find out, well-known, popular restaurant. We parked ourselves, I’m sure that might come as a surprise, no valet service, but that’s how it went. The restaurant was a busy, dark huge room. She (my ‘boss’) looked absolutely stunning this evening; she was (and still is) absolutely beautiful, a classic, timeless beauty. I always wanted to just stare at her as I was almost mesmerized by her, but that would have been rude (and I might have lost my job). She just always looked so stunning, always dressed to the 9’s, so well put together, her taste absolutely impeccable; she is a true icon of style. Enough said. She was a hard act to follow or should I say to sit with at the same table with. My dilemma that evening was what to wear (especially considering that I didn’t exactly pack for Paris knowing that I was going to work for someone famous or beautiful)? Oh well, it is what it is or was what it was. What I knew for sure was no track pants…not even at the apartment dinner table (I broke that rule in the first few days…ooops faux pas…I was dressed for comfort and winter). Tonight I had to dress the part. I digress…now, back to the story…
As we strolled in, every single head in the place turned and followed us. A hush fell over the crowd and whispers ensued. “So this is how it feels to be famous and beautiful!” I thought to myself. We we shown to our table at the back, the best seat in the house of course, the seat of power in the world of restaurants. They (my family of two) completely ignored the knowing glances and smiles (they’d seen it all) and turned to their menus. I’ll share an excerpt from a recent quote of hers that describes her attitude: “A star is someone who should be seen a little and then remain discreet, reserved.” And that sums it up, she is very discreet and very reserved. For me – mind you – this was my first taste of this and it was an amazing feeling to me to be watched by all of the restaurant-goers. For a brief minute, it was as though ‘I’ was on a movie set and it felt as though they were wondering, “Who is ‘she’?” I let my imagination run wild for a moment and soaked it all up, trying my best to be nonchalant and not obvious (oh right – discreet is the way to be). What a highlight it was for me…although I was ‘hired help’ it was still amazing to feel what it was like to be nearly famous (close but no cigar).
Spring Roll Power
We ordered…or I should say they ordered (I had never tasted Vietnamese before in my life so it was over to them). Polite conversation ensued. Questions about me, it actually felt a bit like a 2nd interview ‘grilling’ although I already had the job and had moved in! I didn’t mind though, I was in heaven with all of it. I got to know my ‘boss’ and her daughter a little better and watched them intently in their environment, doing what they do. Food delivered, looked absolutely delicious. The first bite that I had was into a nice cold fresh spring roll – wow, it was so, so good. I was hooked right then and there. The only spring rolls that I had ever tasted in my previous life were the deep-fried kind swimming in oil. Not this time, the food that we ate was always healthy, no exceptions, ever. My spring roll was filled with shrimp, mint and vegetables; the fresh flavours and crunch were ‘to die for’. I still recall the foodie experience vividly. I’ve never looked back, no more deep-fried for me. My first bite into every single spring roll since that day always takes me back to the dark, delicious restaurant experience. Oh and what my 15 minutes of fame felt like. Food always equals fond memories and happiness for me, I hope it does the same for you. Love your food!
PS Not one autograph was asked for all evening…pure class in Paris.
PSS And if he is just not into you, you may want to be more alluring by wearing this Chanel No 5 perfume: